好日子維持了很久。

“ My older brother received a call at two pm on a Thursday,
That his roommate from college
And best friend from high school;
Overdosed and died,
Last Wednesday night.
My brother is 25 years old.
He missed three days of work, sat at home in the dark,
And cried for the first time in six months.
This is not poetry.

My father is very, very sick.
He sleeps for seven hours,
To build up a half hour of strength,
Just so he can pick me up from school.
He hasn’t been well in over a year.
And still,
He prays every night, “Thank you God, for making this happen to me, and not my children.”

I am swallowed in fear,
That soon enough, he will go to bed,
And never wake up.
This is not poetry.

There are thousands of people,
fighting cancer,
and war,
and death,
just to have one more day,
In hopes that it will get better.

And still,
You people glorify sadness,
and long for your death,
because apparently life,
is just too much of a burden.
Wake up, your ignorance is sickening.
Your life is thousands of times more beautiful,
Than your death will be. ”
— For My Father, S.Skavdahl








One day, eventually that day, you will be fixed.

Soon or later.








好日子維持了很久。

很久沒哭，但最近這週哭了蠻多次。一來是經期，情緒好不穩定。

二來還蠻多事情發生。

其中一天，啊…回想起都覺得很糟糕。

總之我就是在人前情緒崩潰，因為親戚因我而吵架。我最害怕的事。

作為一個二十歲的「成年人」在親戚面前崩潰還差點跟他吵起來，真心會感羞愧。

離開的時候在車上一邊看窗外一邊單眼流淚，發現原來自己可以做到單眼流淚(哈)。

車程在哭泣之中忽然變得短暫，好像又難過又有釋懷的感覺。

那時心中冒起" I'm only good at being young."這句話……

縱使一邊覺得年齡只是一些數字，但老實說，人愈大對自己要負起的責任也定必愈大。

始終有把聲音跟自己說：你經已是輕大人了。

反正……我就是覺得自己表現不好。



還有跟我媽冷戰了一天，那天我真的很生氣，氣得一走了之。

我媽就是有脾氣就亂發很火爆的人，很典型的霸氣獅子座。

然後在我period也很暴躁的情況下，我就一直生悶氣，愈想愈氣愈走愈急就自己走了。

哈哈回想起真好笑，原本沒有想過要一走了之啊，

但我不知不覺愈走愈急 (平常我根本不可能會快步走，朋友揶揄我說一直都在過優雅人生)

哈哈比我在要遲到的時候走得還快。

這晚哭著睡，想很多，想到跟我媽的不合，自己曾想搬走的念頭(諗姐有鬼錢?)……

其實很多事情都讓我好累，不過家裏的事就不說了。

不過，我好像知道了自己並不是個家庭為重的人。